Financial Advice

Here is some important financial advice:

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

With WorldCom, of $1000.00 you would have less than $5.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of Beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.........

It's called the 401-Keg Plan.

I used to have a Labrador retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog(?)... (here's your sign)...On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I had been poisoned by the food and that is why I ended up in the hospital. I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

This happened at a conference in Japan. Wouldn't it suck if this was on your lap? Or on a plane? It's reported that after the first explosion, it went on to have several smaller ones for 5 minutes.